It is with a very heavy heart after last year losing my sister Judy and taking 5 days to compose, write statement and put together suitable art pictures towards 2014 West Midland Turning Point exhibition for graduates thought that as this was my third attempt and that because had really taken my time, emotion and turmoil into entering into this completion was devastated not to be selected my mind set was I really want and need this my sister has died, then my husband got seriously ill did they not know how hard it was for me to simply complete the masters with these things going on. I was very upset when a couple of people I knew from the same university as me got selected especially when knew one particular student had only applied 20 minutes before the closing date and spent only 40 minutes on the work content this did not seem at all fair. In the January of this year wen to a emerging artist event at Wave Gallery in Wolverhampton felt so raw and rejected and simply did not know how to lift myself up another person at this event had been selected for 2014 and said it was their second attempt this did not help as mine had been third attempt wanted to know what they had done differently to me it was obvious they had used their sexuality I am a normal hetrosexual married mature emerging female with Irish Maiden name with a Welsh father and Welsh speaking grand father that to me made no difference to my art but had started to use ( with uncomfortable feeling) disability in art practice. This time it is the rawness of reality that has happened in art and real life that would talk about and that this is the fourth and very last time would be putting myself on the line simply to be rejected again if they did not like my art then I am simply too good for them and if do not get selected in this final process would have to let it go extremely reluctantly. Beginning to think am not contraversal enough but can not do this am not black, am not white ( cant be have freckles), in an extremely loving relationship with a man for past 26 years last year celebrated silver wedding ok we had the children out of wedlock and lived in sin for 11 years before getting married. Was a single parent for a short time would that not be on the tick list. Who knows what they are looking for one of student friends did wallpaper and she got selected, one fellow MA student did a picture on a map of Coventry and got in, another friend took the piss of art work and got in, another female student friend painted blurry pictures and she got in so where am I going wrong did not do any of these things.
Today brings a mixed bag of experience which have been causing sleepless nights all this week it could be the thought of attending and induction at a school when I do not want to teach but seem to be directed into this area which confuses me greatly. Or it could be that have ended up volunteering myself to a art performance in Roots Gallery tonight and am getting a little terrified of this idea of putting myself in the spot light although a combined area of performers are also performing we are not rehearsing going straight into this performance as an experimental idea to see what occurs is terrifying me as am really putting myself in the lime light and getting out of my comfort zone and have been trying to find reasons why I cant do this and failing dismally should I just man up and stop moaning and face those demons that am scared of failing or being laughed at or no-one turning up or just plain feeling stupid doing it that is affecting my ability to sleep it is all of those things plus have invited friends to watch us do something that have only ever done on stage before and as could not see the people because it was too dark was a lot easier to do.
Oh well see what happens.
Bent over backwards (for you). Imprest printed image using water coloured pressed print
A versatile artist who works in mediums: Photography, Clay, Ceramics, Plaster, Laytex, Wood, Wool, Soft Fabrics, Sewing, Print, Imprest, Imprint, Text, Video Installation, Performance Art, Photoshot, Metal Work, Marbling, French Polishing, Drawing and Curating. Capable of learning new processes.